While Johnny went through the same motions of looking and reading, Joe’s mind briefly wandered off to his wife, Jane. She would be so surprised when she opened this Mother’s Day gift. This would cost more than candy or cards, but it would be worth it.

For five years, Jane had worked as a well paid divorce attorney and enjoyed both flexible hours and great health benefits. Unfortunately, the firm hired a new president which no one liked – not even Jane – and she was one of the friendliest people around. If she couldn’t get along with someone, no one could.

This new boss was named Jack, but, according to his wife, everyone in the office referred to the man as “Jerk” when he wasn’t within hearing range. The firm only hired him because he married the company owner’s sister, a snotty girl named Jan.

Anyway, Jack the Jerk thought he could improve the company’s profitability by lowering wages, increasing work hours and reducing heath care coverage for everyone – except himself of course. As if this weren’t bad enough, he seemed to enjoy picking on Jane. In particular, he would often hassle her about her weight and appearance. He frequently belittled her in front of her peers.

Over time, Jane became fed up with Jack the Jerk. Once she even came home crying, streaking the light coat of makeup she wore to hide old, teenage acne scars. Now, Jane arrived home everyday, either angry or upset. Joe hated to see his wife in such an uncharacteristically emotional state. Even his son, Johnny, noticed it.

So it was that when Johnny suggested that they buy a special present as a Mother’s Day gift, Joe was pleasantly surprised at his son’s thoughtfulness. He was reminded of a verse in the Bible, somewhere in Psalm 8. He didn’t have it memorized but thought it said something like, “…out of the mouth of babes comes strength to silence the enemy.” He made a mental note to look it up when they got home.

“So Dad,” Johnny said, “do you think mom will like this land mine?”

Joe smiled at his son. “She’ll certainly like it better than her boss will!” Johnny giggled at the quip as he returned the colorful box of explosive arsenal.

Joe took it and turned his attention to the young sales girl. “The blast radius listed on these specifications is too large. Do you have anything designed for individual use? We don’t want anyone besides the recipient to be killed when this thing goes off.”

“Of course,” said the red uniformed girl named Janice. She moved down the aisle a short distance and pulled two different boxes off the shelf. She handed one to Johnny and the other to Joe.

“You mentioned that this is a Mother’s Day present for your wife? I thought so. Well, Joe, the one you hold is a less powerful version of the type you held a moment ago.”

Joe looked at the cardboard box and saw a picture of a land mine colored in dull gray. It was round, thin and much lighter than the previous one. Unlike the larger version, this one came with a remote controlled, wireless detonator.

On the back it listed the specifications and added a message printed in balloon-shaped letters. “Be the life of the party! Invite your favorite enemy into your home and enjoy the sight of him or her exploding in front of your friends. The flying body parts will keep everyone laughing for hours! Lots of fun for everyone!”

Just below that, in small print, was a disclaimer that warned, “Not responsible for damage to furniture or household appliances. Keep away from children three and under.”

Joe looked at his box and the one Johnny held. “So what’s the difference between this and the one my son has?”

The young sales clerk smiled. “Your son is holding the new and improved version. Whenever the intended victim is in close proximity of that weapon, it can be detonated by the remote control just like the old one.