“The great feature with this new model is that the explosive is laced with an anti-matter, sub-atomic dissipate. It gives you all the satisfaction of splattering organs and body parts without any of the messy cleanup afterwards. Everything dissolves quickly and easily. No muss, no fuss.”

“It’s kind of expensive,” Joe commented as he reached into a pocket. “Is it OK if I use this newspaper coupon for 20% off?”

“Of course,” Janice said in a bubbly tone. “In fact, we have a store wide special today. Spend $75.00 or more and get your choice of a dozen roses or a case of bullets free.”

“What do you think, Hoss?” Joe asked his son. “Do you think mom will like it?”

Johnny nodded his head vigorously, eagerly taking the box from his dad. He held it tight to his chest, wanting to take it to the checkout counter himself.

The salesclerk asked if she could be of any further help. Joe asked about gift wrapping Jane’s gift. Janice pointed toward another aisle. “If you go that way, you’ll find a heart-shaped box with a pink bow. It’s located next to the Jeff Dahmer cookware and eating utensils.

Joe nodded and thanked Janice for her help. Father and son readily found the heart-shaped container. Little Johnny handed dad the land mine and grabbed the red box and a pink bow. They made their way to the checkout counter.

Returning to the front of the store, Johnny saw an impressive display of summer seasoned rocket launchers. Joe sighed at Johnny’s impulsive request to get one. With all the money they had spent today, the two compromised on a less expensive hand grenade. Joe wasn’t so old that he couldn’t remember what it was like to be a kid.

The checkout line was longer than he expected. However, he noticed that the service desk only had one customer. He was surprised to recognize the man running the register.

“Pastor Jerry,” Joe said as he approached the counter, careful not to step in front of the person already there. “I didn’t know you worked here.”

“Oh hi, Joe. I’ll be with you as soon as I finish with this gentleman.” Turning toward the customer, Jerry said, “Now sir, what can I help you with?”

“I’d like to return this machete,” said a gray haired gentleman in a tattered overcoat.

“Do you have the receipt?” Pastor Jerry asked.

“Of course,” said the man as he reached into his pocket and pulled out a crumpled piece of paper with red splotches on it.

Pastor Jerry took the receipt and scraped off some flaky, rust colored spots. “Well, it hasn’t been 30 days, so you’re fine there. However, I’m afraid I can’t accept this blade for return.”

“Why not?” the customer asked with feigned innocence.

“There’s blood on the handle sir. If we take this back and try to resale it, we could be at risk for a lawsuit. Blood borne diseases are a serious health hazard. Now tell me honestly, have you used this?”

The man looked at the long sword of polished steel. “Well…,”

“Remember,” Jerry replied, “I’m the pastor of a local church. It’s a sin to lie.”

The man hung his head. “Yes sir, I used it on my wife.”

“And did the weapon perform satisfactorily?” “Yes,” he answered in a barely audible tone.

“Well, I suggest you keep it. After all, if you remarry, you may need it again.”

With no further protest, the man took his sword and left. His head seemed to hang a little lower, ashamed of his feeble attempt to save money by cheating the store. When gone, Joe and Johnny stepped up the counter.

Joe set his package on the counter. “I didn’t know you worked here Jerry.”

“I just started. Church attendance has really died off for some reason. As a result, there’s less money to both run the church and support my family at the same time. The wife is taking a job too.”